Mars Hill College
Early 1993 I took a big step–to go public with my story. Bill Auman who taught Criminology at Mars Hill College near Asheville asked me to give his class a talk on victimology. I didn’t even know the word existed. But I took him up on his offer, wrote a speech and presented it to the students. Offering that speech fulfilled a need to express myself and be heard. At times, I wished I could push the tale aside forever, but I wanted to help others and to heal more in the process. This was a daring step on my part. I wasn’t used to speaking publicly, but I took the risk. The students received my talk with interest and awe. I found the experience rejuvenating. Each time I tell my story I heal a little more. I can put it more and more behind me.
Since that first talk in l993, I have given a number of speeches about my experience with violence and how I’ve come to grips with it. It always takes time, pain and struggle to present my story, but each time it’s worth the effort.
Bertice Berry Show
In the fall of l993, I received an invitation to appear on the nationally syndicated Bertice Berry TV talk show to tell what it was like to be a hostage. They learned about me through Parents of Murdered Children. The call interested me, but I worried about how I would be treated. They flew me to Chicago and thank goodness, Aunt Liz came from Minneapolis for support.
The crew and everyone on the show treated me with respect and kindness. It always helps me to reach out and hopefully to guide others through their own grief and pain.
My talks took the overall theme of–this is what happened to me and I am okay. It took immense work to get where I am now, and yes, I am proud of a job well done, and I want the world to know.
Death Penalty Speeches
In the fall of 1996, I spoke at three different events about the Dreiling shootings and my struggle to forgive. I reached out and felt connected to my beloved home town with the Journey of Hope, an organization led by murder victim family members. Not only did I speak in Blacksburg, but I spoke at Asheville’s Peace Day in October, sponsored by Peace Links. In November, I traveled to Greensboro to participate in a workshop at its Franciscan Center.
But it was the time in Blacksburg that crystalized my belief in forgiveness, as I began to questioned the use of the death penalty. One morning at breakfast before my speeches, I heard Pat Bane, director of Murder Victims’ Families for Reconciliation, speak about the execution of serial killer Ted Bundy. The family of one of his victims suffered deeply when the killer died, as the execution painfully brought to mind its own family murder. I had heard from one victim’s family how execution of a killer affected them. Until that point, I stood on the fence about the death penalty and serial killers. I believed the death penalty was wrong unless someone was unredeemable. Some people needed to die, I thought. But hearing the feelings of this family convinced me that all sentences of the death penalty are inhumane to everyone involved. From here on, I have believed the death penalty needs to be repealed. This was a turning point.
Over and over the death penalty is used as racism against African Americans in our country. All white juries unfairly decide the fate of these men. In 2009 the Racial Justice Act was passed in NC, but it was repealed in 2013. To end this systematic racism, we need to eliminate the death penalty.
In early 2001, I spoke at an Asheville City Council meeting about the need for a moratorium on the death penalty in NC. I shared my story of murder and assault and talked about the conclusion I’d drawn. Others spoke, too. The council passed a resolution by a 4/3 vote.
Restorative justice offers a system that brings offenders and victims together to achieve reconciliation. In 2003, I appeared on two panels on Restorative Justice and the Death Penalty. One took place in Asheville in April, and the other in Durham in December. The panel in Asheville consisted of five members–two for the death penalty, two against. and one undecided, with a moderator who had worked with survivors. All five panelists lost family members to murder. We each gave our story and the moderator spoke, and then we answered questions from the audience. What came out of this experience was my search to see how restorative justice can work with murder. It is one thing to have your car stolen and employ restorative justice afterwards, but another thing entirely to lose lives by murder and then to choose restorative justice. Restorative justice is attempting to heal what violence destroyed.
In December, I appeared on a second Restorative Justice and the Death Penalty panel in Durham, NC as a part of the Restorative Justice Project. This conference honored the life of Ernst Basden, who was executed by the state of North Carolina in 2002. The event took place on the anniversary of his death. The conference consisted of three panels–homicide survivor members, death row inmate families and professionals who work with death row inmates. Discussion groups followed each panel.
Journal December 6, 2003
gave speech on our family shootings and the death penalty as part of a panel…went smoothly… felt so much support from audience when speaking…second panel was family members of the executed… incredible to hear stories
The conference gave me an opportunity to hear from death row inmate families. Over the years I had focused on homicide survivor pain, but contact with loved ones of a state execution opened my eyes. These families suffered from the pain of murder too. But the justice system works to keep us apart.
Journal, December 13, 2003
to be at the Restorative Justice and Death Penalty conference felt like a way to remember Mother and Daddy since it was the 18th anniversary of their murders…it was important to feel connected to Ernst Basden’s family…eight members were present…Ernst’s sister Rose and his niece Sonya were on the second panel–family members of the executed…I got a chance to talk to Rose and still am in touch with her on Facebook…we all are grieving
In 2004, I worked with People of Faith Against the Death Penalty to pass a moratorium on the death penalty in North Carolina. The moratorium passed the Senate, but it needed to pass in the House. I spoke on the death penalty and restorative justice at a First Presbyterian Church Asheville in a Sunday school class. I was open with the members of the church where I had worked in the nursery for two years. A Parents of Murdered Children friend, Jean Parks and I spoke with Wilma Sherrill, one of Western North Carolina’s representatives in the NC House, encouraging her to vote for a moratorium. In May, I boarded a bus to Raleigh with other People of Faith Against the Death Penalty members. There, on Lobby Day, we talked with more representatives about passing the moratorium. Along with other homicide survivors, I participated in a healing service at Asheville’s St. Matthias Episcopal Church in April.
Journal April 26. 2004
really meaningful service…music, words, prayer touched me… good to connect with people… I cried for the senseless violence we live in
Healing from Gun Shots 